December 27, 2010
(MONDAY)
When I was a kid, I thought things will still be good after so many years… I always think that my future depends on the money that my father is earning abroad; that I don’t have to worry about expenses because I have all the money that I could have… My parents are willing to give everything and they can afford to… I’m so proud about my toys and keep on comparing those expensive toys I have to the other kids’ toys... When I’m in grade school? I used to consider my classmates as my servants… I can command everything that I want, and if they would not obey me, I’ll be mad then I’ll start a fight against them… I thought other Kids were under my power… Of course, I was still a kid that time… ;)
But hey, as I was in the higher levels in grade school, those selfish things I did were all bouncing back to me… They’re throwing unpleasant words and they keep on backbiting me… Well, as of now, I think I was worthy of that… But back when I was a Kid, I hate them all! They were so bad! I thought to myself, “They don’t know the meaning of respect! They don’t know about good manners!!”-where back in the earlier years, I don’t even know those things… And when I get home, I only have my sister listening to my stories at school… And my sister taught me things about how my life must be lived… Then I began to think I was actually wrong from the start… From the moment I have realized that? My life began to change…
I was then 11 years old… That’s the beginning of the life of a “silent & shy-type” girl or shall I call it a “LONER” or an EMO?? What ever!! :D. Wanna know what that Loner does? Always staying at home alone and doing ‘nonsense’ things… Sinning against God… But something good went out from being alone at home… I have actually learned how to play the guitar… And I do practices everyday at home… Then that became my new interest… I began to sing with my guitar and do music things a lot… From that, I’ve discovered my talent in crafts and art…But I’m not that excellent in drawings… Just the simple ones, cartoons? A bit… I had my sister throughout those days… She was in Victory Christian Fellowship in Dumaguete, and she did bring me there and I felt so welcomed and loved by everyone… I really want to stay there if only it could be possible for a grade school pupil like me… Sad to accept but I thought I still have to wait for my turn to be in Victory someday… :) I still have to finish High School though…
Until I reached High School… I began to write stories… Anything that came out from my mind… I wrote poems…-one of them was for my Mom on Mothers’ day, & I’ve also wrote one for a ‘special person’ when I’m still on my third year… He’s my crush… Ha ha ha.. Now, that sounds funny for me… I used to be that type of girl… But of course! I have also one for God… :]
It’s summer to my fourth year in high school when my friends invited me to join the camp for YFC (Youth For Christ)…
So? I tried to join the camp ‘just to do something new and interesting that summer’…
Yes, God changed something inside of me using that Organization… I’m sure of that… I thought I’ll just enjoy my summer because of that camp but I was wrong… I’ve experienced more than that… I’ve experienced change! :] I’ve learned to control my manners and changed my perspective… I then knew that everything that happened in the past has its purpose… The purpose of God to teach me things that I do not know… That time I’ve decided to walk and follow Jesus…
I thought I’ve experienced everything that God wants me to experience in my life- all the happiness and the changes I have encountered…I was satisfied and I stopped seeking God…Until I reached College… Yes!!! I’m in college now! I mean, this is the moment that I have been waiting for!! I’m gonna be in Victory at last!! :D.
I began to join the Sunday service in the afternoon…Then PLUG on the following Friday.. (I am hearing a carol now… nisapaw sa Hillsong… shockz!! Destruction kaayo bei.. >.
The first person who invited me to do one2one was ate Megan… But she gets busy that time so ate Glou took charge and we did one2one… I thought I was just okay in my walk with God but then, Victory weekend was up!! Yeaahh…. Then I was awaken, my faith was weak… so I stood up again and began following Jesus again… Then my spiritual family in Victory (ate glou, kuya kerwin, ate joy, ate toni, ate crizzy, ate jerica, Kuya bernz, of course ‘Pastor’ Job… and all of them in Victory) helped me a lot to grow and to strengthen my faith… At first, I’m adjusting in their ways and standard but I was blessed to have my sister who gave me ideas about Victory already… Also my brother… Speaking about my brother, let me tell you our story…
Back when I was in grade school and he was in high school, He doesn’t want to see me or even hear my voice… Maybe he finds it annoying… He doesn’t want to talk to me or even look at me… It was the saddest fact I have in my life… Sometimes, I wish I could have another brother to be there for me especially for those times when my sister was in Dumaguete, studying…
(hoh! Mitulo nah.. samuk..) I even used to have my collection of Kuyas… he he he.. But nothing really compares to have a real Kuya who is really part of the family…
Back on track… Ate Joy encouraged me to develop and use my talent in singing for God…
Then I remembered what my sister told me back then; “I’ll be happy to see you in the music team in Victory someday… Use your talents for the glory of the one who gave it on the first place…” And so I’ve decided to really join and commit myself to the music team… :) But before that, I’ve undergone an ‘almost an hour- conversation’ with Kuya Jing… he he he… He shared lots of things about being in the music team, the real worship and the real deal in worshiping God on stage… I was just listening to Him most of the time and I was like “wooaahh, He’s right!”… I actually learned a lot from that conversation than my Anatomy class… ha ha ha
And now? Well, I am just sitting here typing everything I could remember in the past…
( you are my freedom, JESUS you’re the reason… I’m kneeling again at your throne… Where would I be without you here in my life..) you know this song? He he… I am now a leader… I am being more responsible… (kinsa ba gud nag expect? Sa akong pagka maldita sauna?) And all I want now is to seek God more and more… to dwell in His presence forever… and to grow spiritually… to be strong in faith and to share it to other people’s lives… Who says I can’t do it? Well God says I can… though I’m still a little childish now, and used to cry for those stupid reasons, but who knows what’s within my heart? It’s God alone… :’)
This is what I’ve learned yesterday:
I’m gonna see what God sees,
I’m gonna hear what God hears,
And feel what God feels…
-Pastor John Evangilista
…and this is my story… ^^;
Truly yours,
Jessa Kris Go Rosales
WAR WEEK @2010
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